
This weeks race had a lot of firsts for Team Cameron. It was our first night race and our first race with a personal timing system. Gianina got me a
Timex Ironman Solar (just $39 on
EBay!) to keep my own split times. The surprise of the day came when we arrived at Strawberry
Banke for check-in to find that we were the first entry this year. I had the dubious
distinction of wearing #1 on my race bib. Ugh, lots of pressure. Not that I expected to compete for the win, though you certainly don't want to roll in at the 30 minute mark either. I certainly knew that the goal was to improve on our best thus far of 22:56.
It was a single mat race which would provide just your gun time. In these situations if you want your time to be accurate you must toe the line. As the gun sounded and we took off I felt great, continuing to warm up as we crested the first hill and then it happened. I was being passed by what seemed to be everybody and I felt as if I could not even catch first gear. I continued to hold my pace as best I could until we got to the first mile marker. There I could see an official calling out splits, hoping that my watch wasn't off by much he called out 7:15 as my group passed. Excellent, my fastest split to date. So why did I feel so defeated? What seemed to be a
constant stream of people passing me got me to thinking what this was all really about.
I could not help but draw the
parallel that Cameron must feel like this all the time. He is perfectly capable both physically and mentally to keep up with the others around him, though sometimes his mind and body just don't work well with one another. I had my first real battle of mind over matter. My first split time was great and I let my head put me out of the game. I should have taken a page from my sons playbook and just put my head down and done my own thing. It was a nice reminder about why we are doing all these races -
for autism awareness - oddly enough I was the one that got the wake up call this week. The most valuable minutes of running I have put in since I started last summer were logged this past
Thursday night on the winding asphalt roads of Portsmouth, NH.
I'll be honest, mile 2 was a blur. I was already writing this blog in my head. The emotion of what I was feeling and the exhaustion of my perception of what was happening took its toll. I finished the next split at 15:30, a full minute off my initial pace. That didn't matter now. I had learned so much about myself and my family through my weight loss, the death of my brother in-law Jay and Cameron's diagnosis with juvenile diabetes and autism. This was just a reminder that it doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down, only that you continually respond by pushing yourself back up to pursue what you believe is right.
My son Cameron and I have yet to engage in a real give and take conversation. Our communication resides on a different level. I sometimes feel closest to him when we are the furthest apart. When he is at the finish line with Gianina and Aidan and I am a mile and a half away. I can relate in a small way to the struggle that he must wrestle with every day. These self imposed challenges that I am participating in every other weekend all summer only last 3.1 miles. After that I can relax. Cameron is unable to shut off his race. He has to keep on running every day all day long, just to keep up. He is the reason I am running. If we can help raise money for autism this year great, but the importance of this endeavor is that Cameron sees his family embracing a challenge and doing something about it. Gianina and I will not ever let our boys see us play the victim card when it comes to Cameron's juvenile diabetes and autism. I am fully confident that first Aidan and then Cameron will soon join me in these races. It stands to reason that sooner than later Cameron and I will share longer runs than talks.
As I said before I feel closer to him when I am running. It will be nice to have him not only in my heart, but also by my side on the road. No conversation, just the
rhythm of our hearts beating and our feet moving in unison. Drawing strength from one another to go the distance.
After all that we finished 121st of 399 runners in 23:50. The next race is our first trail run August 30th. Thank you for your support - stay involved and please tell your friends!
Timothy & Team Cameron
First Giving